You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
