Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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