Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Found the puke drawer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
