just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
