Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
