Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
