i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
