I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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