im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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