i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
