Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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