they need to just BURY HIM!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
