explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
