what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
