my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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