I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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