i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
