there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
