i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
