Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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