so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
