Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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