y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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