That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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