swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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