Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
