Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
