Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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