I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
