If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
