DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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