the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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