Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
