I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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