I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need to calm my uterus...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
