I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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