i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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