trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
