So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
