my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
