I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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