I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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