Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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