She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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