Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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