glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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