We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
