He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
