Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
