Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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