R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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