So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
